Blown Away
by LonelyWinterRose
Summary: It had never been okay–at least not to him–and he didn't think it ever would be. He had hidden behind a mask of cold indifference and made sure that to the world around him, he was as cool as ice. After all no one had really been concerned about his well being beyond that of a Heir before so why make them start now? WARNINGS: Dark themes & character death. Depressed suicidal Fili
1. Blown Away

Hey everyone! Other chapters to my other stories are on the way but this just kinda popped up so here it is.

Okay don't know where this one came from but I woke up hearing Carrie Underwood's _"Blown Away"_ in my head and I have had the song on repeat both in my head and on my phone since then. Not a Song-Fic just inspired by a song and I just used the first characters that came to my mind when I sat down at my computer.

 _ **Warning's :  Character death via suicide. Not to be romanticized or attempted in real life this is just to read. If you by chance end up depressed I have listed a few of my favorite funny Hobbit stories that I have found cheer me up and make me laugh below.**_

 **Disclaimer :** _I do NOT own The Hobbit, any of its characters, plot line, or anything you may recognize from Tolkien's original works all the credit goes to him._

Also let me know if you think I should do a follow up on this story maybe giving the POV of Dwalin, Bifur, Thorin, Kili, and Dis when they find out what happens.

Ever at your service,

LonelyWinterRose

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∆ ⤜⤝ † ⤞⤛ ∆

It had never been okay – at least not to him – and he didn't think it ever would be. He had hidden behind a mask of cold indifference and made sure that to the world around him, he was as cool as ice. He made sure it worked no matter the sacrifice to himself. After all no one had really been concerned about his well being beyond that of a Heir before so why make them start now?

His brother had his life so easy. Their mother loved Kili more than her own self and as for their Uncle Thorin, nothing shinned brighter in his world than his youngest sister-son. He was loved and wanted as the youngest child always is, while he the eldest got left behind in his dark haired little brothers shadow. Where Kili could do no wrong, everything Fili did was disastrously wrong in every way. If the sword he had just finished forging was not shiny enough after he had first quenched it he had to redo it, if one of his feet was even the littlest bit out of placement when he sparred he had to redo the move over a hundred times and after being scolded in front of everybody nearby, he was sent home early like a wayward dwarfling only to be ordered to bed without anything to eat and told to do double the work and time in his studies, training and in the forge the next day.

He never understood why he the first born and Heir had been overlooked and snubbed for his younger brother who was five years his younger and nearly four times farther behind in everything than he had been at his brothers age. Did everyone around him want him to doubt himself over everything and around every turn? Did they want to ruin him? Because it nearly seemed that they wanted both during the times they actually remembered that he was in fact alive and the eldest son of the Lady Dis daughter of Thrain and sister of Thorin Oakenshield.

Never in his besides maybe as a babe had his life been simple and as easy as his younger brother had it. Of course he has never told or shown anybody his true feelings about the matter mostly because he knows they will not care or listen and if by chance they do then they will turn his words against him again and send him off to bed without food like a child. Its enough as it is already that he has had to take a little extra work for himself just a get a few spare coin so he can make sure that he can eat properly on the more often than not days that his needs are once again ignored in favor of Kili's.

He's never liked the word hate, never liked to use it personally and never let it pass when he heard somebody else say it, but he is sure that his feelings for his younger brother, mother and uncle borderline that word like no other word would. He truly holds little fondness for his closed blood kin and he would ever go as far as to say that they are his family. The only people that could say that they truly knew him are numbered down to just two people; his older cousin Dwalin who really only knew part of the darker side of him because he had been the one to drag him home from drinking several times and so was privy to his dark mutterings about his so called family and a Dwarf by the name of Bifur who has always been kind enough to teach him how to fight when he was banned from doing so and didn't mind if he hid out in his shop or house occasionally where they would both get drunk enough to tell each other everything and hardly remember anything that was said the next morning.

Bifur was perhaps the closest thing he had to a friend and Dwalin was the closest of his kin that could hope to be considered family by him. If he thought about over much he might feel a slight burst of guilt or sadness for not telling them what he is doing this night. For all anyone knows he's off hunting and will be back in a weeks time with a good load of prey that will keep them all fed for several months. He many not wield such an elvish weapon like Kili's bow but he preferred his hunts to be more up close and personal and if he happened to get bitten or clawed by what he was hunting then it would be no others fault but his own for the new scars appearing on his skin and no one else's business as to when, how, and where he got them.

He wasn't irresponsible, as the elder brother he wasn't allowed to be, so he had done the responsible thing and on the day he set out for his 'hunt' he payed two other hunters to discreetly collect a good amount of kills and deliver them directly to his Uncle Thorin on the day that he was suppose to return from 'hunting'.

That was three days ago and he still had four more days left to complete what he has wanted to do for a while now. First get so suitably piss face drunk he can't think about the past, and second shuck up the courage to end his miserable excuse for a life. He was tired of just being the second son mentioned when ever some one talked to his mother or uncle and he was tired of being over looked for his younger brother. It might be a stupid reason to want to die to an outsider but Fili had had enough.

Unfortunately even after three days of nearly non stop drinking he has yet to succeed the point of being suitably piss face drunk and the days left he has to get the deed done are dwindling. This though only moves up the inevitable in his mind. Why spend the extra time getting drunker than you ever have in your whole life when you can just skip the part that makes the act look fuzzy and just head to by itself?

Why not indeed. Which was why with a bottle of the strongest Dwarvish ale in his left hand and one of his prettiest ornate daggers – that Bifur had gifted him several years ago – in his right he stood that the edge of a a cliff high up the mountain range in a place he had never journeyed to before looking out at the vast dark emerald green world blow him and the murky black and white diamond encrusted world above him.

He had a little trouble telling which world was up and which was down and even if he was sitting or standing up right at the moment but neither confused him to the point of not continuing as brought the bottle of ale to his lips and drank its entire contents down in three long gulps before letting the bottle drop to the ground at his feet. Only instead of it stopping there it continued to roll fast his feet and off the cliff to the green world below it and he watched it with his eyes until he could see it no more thinking that he was like that bottle in likeness. Empty. Failing at refilling. Being tossed aside for another vice. Falling. And then disappearing altogether.

Bringing his dagger up to his braided mustache and the braids in his hair he messily cut them off letting them drift to the ground beside his boots, the beads woven among the braided strands weighing them down to fall quicker to the dirt ground below. Casting his eyes up at the night sky he quickly made a deep slash to each of his wrists, an even quicker and clumsier stab to the most tender and vital part of his stomach and then a jerking uneven slash to his throat before sheathing the dagger and continues to stare up at the stars as his knees weakened making him stagger closer to the cliff face in dizzied blood loss.

It was a quicker way to go about it, less time to think about anything but the beauty of the night sky he was staring up at the stars as his vision clouded over and darkened to black and he felt his body become weightless as it fell over the cliff into oblivion.

Blown away like a feather on the wind, he fell, though it was more like he flew because he finally felt as free as a bird, light weight and careless of everything going on around him except the feel of all his cares and worries and everything being _Blown Away._

∆ ⤜⤝ † ⤞⤛ ∆

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So what did you think? Like it? Love it? Hate it?

Let me know in a review.

Let me know if you think I should do a follow up. If so then I think it will be titled _Blown Away By Loss_ or something like that just let me know. _:D_

Anyway here are my favorite funny Hobbit story's to cheer me/you up. Some are fluff, some just make you smile and others make you laugh ;

 _The Hobbit: An Unexpected Parody_ by **_lindir's gaze_**

 _Bilbo Baggins: Frying Pan Wielder_ by **_WeStandHereUnited_**

 _Beorn's Elf_ by **_Rosa Cotton_**

 _Bofur's Hat_ by **_Rosa Cotton_**

 _House of Took_ by **_yaoigirl22_**

 _How To Treat A Lady_ by **_WizardsGirl_**

 _If a Man's Best Friend is a Dog, What's a Hobbit's?_ by **_Rikkamaru_**

 _Mama Can I Be_ by **_SapphireShelle91_**

 _Matchmakers' Council_ by **_Eleanor Damaschke_**

 _The Great Cow Dilemma_ by **_LullabyKnell_**

 _Thorin vs Thorns_ by _**EquusGold**_

 _To Cuddle a Hobbit_ by _ **Angel-eyes56**_

 _Wa and Gump_ by _**Pericula Ludus**_

Well these stories always make me smile _:_ _D_

Thanks for Reading, Reviewing, Favoriting etc.

Ever at your service,

LonelyWinterRose


	2. AN : Sequel Is Up

Hey everyone, I went ahead and put up the Sequel to _Blown Away_ its tittle is **_Blown Away By Losing Him_**.

The first chapter is up and the others are coming along so go head and go read that.

Each chapter is written in the other characters POV (Thorin, Dis, Kili, Dwalin, and Bifur's POV) when they find out about Fili's death and a little bit leading up to it.

Dwalin and Bifur's chapters are probably going to be a little more emotional than the others since they were closer to Fili in this story so you might need some tissues just in case it triggers your water works.

Thanks again to all of you who have Red Favorited and/or Reviewed this story I hope you go on ahead to read its Sequel.

Make sure to tell me what you think about I love hearing your guys' thoughts on my stories. :)

Go ahead and click on my profile or just type in the story name in the search area to go read it.

 ** _Sequel Title_** : **Blown Away By Losing Him**

Thanks again,

Ever at your service,

LonelyWinterRose


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